Oh yeah, Obama. We got you figured out.
1. The Gun-Ban Scare. Since president Obama has been elected, millions of new background checks for gun purchase have been put through– over 1.4 million more than from the same time period last year. Why are Americans hoarding guns? Well you know already– because Barack Obama is going to take away your weapons. There is a ton of crazy propaganda pushing that notion, most of it based on his “clinging to guns and religion” comment from the election season.
Fortunately for gun companies and the NRA, most gun readers don’t read anything other than a Field and Stream or the tv guide to see when Glenn Beck will be on to tell them about the end of the world. If they could read, they would have read last summer about Washington DC repealing their ban on hand guns and Barack Obama’s vote to support that. For 20 years, Washington DC had outlawed pistols and seen their crime rate plummet accordingly, but the law was brought up again, and Obama the gun hater voted to get rid of the ban.
The Obama administration released a statement in January stating their intentions to ban all guns. Except that the statement said there were far more important matters at hand and that they had no intentions or plans to ban guns. The fear around Obama is based on ignorance and an apparently effective marketing push from the NRA. Still, you’re stupid.
2. Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell. The don’t ask don’t tell policy is simple: if you’re a gay or lesbian American serving in the armed forces that’s fine, as long as you never say anything about it. Don’t tell anyone you’re gay and you’re fit to serve, but if you say it out loud then you’re too icky to get shot for your country. I understand gay marriage being a complicated issue, but this is not.
Why are we still telling homosexual soldiers that they can only participate if they pretend to be someone their not? I don’t care if someone is gay, straight, or has three eyes. Our military is quite desperate for soldiers, let’s not let some stupid rule stand in the way. It’s stupid.
3. Arrested Development is Canceled. While Dancing with the stars gets huge ratings, Scrubs fails to make us laugh for the eighth season, and Jack Bauer saves the world for literally the millionth time in the exact same way, the best show to ever grace television is no longer on the air. For three perfect seasons, Arrested Development delivered pure comedy with an all star cast who ALL went on to successful shows.
People haven’t heard of it for the most part, despite it winning all kinds of awards while on the air, but I blame FOX. First FOX is an evil company that pays Beck, Hannity, O’Reilly and the like to rape truth every day and night, but they’re also the company that tried to cancel Star Wars before it ever came out. The most successful movie ever– they tried to stop it before it ever started.
So the next time you’re watching American Dad and thinking, “I wish this wasn’t awful,” remember; you are not alone.
4. Buy American. Two months ago I bought a car. It’s a 2007 Hyundai Elantra. I told a friend of mine about it, and he was wise enough to impart this wisdom, “don’t you know we’re in a recession? BUY AMERICAN!”
This is a familiar battle cry for people who aren’t thinking. Should I, a poor person working 40 hours a week at a terrible job while trying to go through school, spend extra money for a less reliable, less fuel efficient car that has a lower resale value? Well I’m not going to. I don’t care if that’s unpatriotic, but I’m not taking the heat for a multi-billion dollar corporation that makes crappy products. And it’s fine for the economy– I bought my car, which was made in Detroit from an American dealership. It would be stupid for me, and I’m not going there.
5. Barack Obama – anti Christ. This is the dumbest one ever, but I honestly overheard people discussing it at my work. There was a very popular email forward being passed around during the election season that talked about the description of the anti-Christ from the Bible. It tells of a man in his forties coming from the middle east and being very persuasive and leading many astray.
Despite Obama not being from the middle east, it’s a compelling story. Unfortunately, these must be the same folks too busy hoarding up guns to read anything, even their Bibles. If they had read, they would know that there is no description of the anti-Christ in the Bible. At all. None. The whole “from the middle east in his forties” thing? Pure fabrication. Still, people describe it as a possibilty. Idiots.
